When I was looking to buy a house, I was all over the place. I liked the architecture of older places, but the amenities of the newer ones. With the older places that I saw, I often had to build into my home purchase budget the estimated costs of items that needed to be updated or repaired. I also had to have the *vision* to see past what was there in front of me, to see what it was going to look like when it was all said and done.
Being near-sighted as I am, I ended up buying new construction (with architecture flava lacking.) I used to say that I usually don’t date fixer-uppers, so I guess it follows that I didn’t want to move into one either.
Single women everywhere (who have standards) have undoubtedly heard some variation of this line — you’re too critical/harsh/have too high standards; you should learn to just work with a brotha. I don’t know if men are told that they need to work with a sista so I can’t speak on that.
Well, just like there’s a difference between redecorating and a gut-renovation, some people fail to understand the difference between working with someone, and trying to completely reconstruct a person.
One guy that I used to go out with here in DC used to tell me the best stories about his exes. (I realize those stories should have been inappropriate but they were so funny that I always liked to hear them!) He once told me about an ex-girlfriend that he’d dated for a long time. Over the course of years she helped him get his credit together, taught him how to save money, helped him get a new job – basically got him up to speed on being a grown man. And he was so grateful for her for it.
Eventually, however, he ended up wanting to date someone else because he wanted to date someone who could appreciate him as he currently was and appreciate how far along he’d come without having actually witnessed the transformation. Seeing and being around that girlfriend was a constant reminder to him of the dude he used to be before he got his stuff together.
I realize that is just one man’s story but ladies and gents, I think it happens all the time. Now granted, I don’t know if she held it over him and reminded him that “remember – you weren’t worth a dayum before I got a-hold of you.” That would suck and I truly hope that wasn’t the case. I think it’s perfectly ok to acknowledge that someone has helped you out in life, and then peace out without feeling obligated to continue dating them. It’s the circle of life! Each one, teach one and all that jazz. And who knows? He didn’t specify how they ended things, and maybe it was she who didn’t want to have the memory of his less than glorious days clouding her perception of who he currently was.
For every person doesn’t mind or even prefers dating people who “need a little TLC”, there are many others who just want someone who already has the basics of life together. To each his own and trust me – I’m not one to judge. Do you. I’ve dated people like that and maybe I was (am?) one of those people, or would date one in the future?
When the jig is up and the person has their stuff together, just know that things may work out with the improved person…or they could peace out for a clean slate with someone else. You never know. These are the chances we take out here in this dating jungle. Remember – circle of life! 🙂
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