I didn’t finish that “About” page, but if you’re a regular reader then you know a few things about me. First things first – I live in DC but I’m not a “local.” I grew up in the South, on the Gulf Coast, so some of the things I say aren’t always familiar to people up here. The other day my friend Hollypop kept saying that “if” she could just do this, or “if” someone would do that. I told her: if “if” was a fifth, we’d all be messed up.
I’ll let that sink in for the people who have never heard it before.
It means that if the word “if” was a fifth (of liquor), then we’d all be drunk. (But it’s not – so keep it movin’.)
Keeping with my Southern roots, I have to share with you another saying. Now, I’m not sure who coined this one but I can’t think of anything truer than, “You gotta want who wants you.”
Not grammatically correct, but hey, that’s the saying. You gotta want who wants you.
I’ve run into countless women *AND* men who will sit and rattle off all of the things they don’t like about the person or people they’re dating or otherwise involved with. Men wishing the women in their lives were more ambitious, less driven, too fat, too skinny, too silly, too serious. Women wishing the men in their lives were more ambitious, less driven (busy), too fat, too skinny, too short, not attentive enough. So much to complain about!
But while they’re busy complaining about the person they gave a chance, there may well be a person who has more of the qualities that they want but whom they passed over. The passed-over person could be a friend, or just someone they met and enjoyed as a person, but that there were no initial “sparks” with. Sparks are excellent and important, but sparks aren’t everything. Sparks can’t bridge the gap between what you really need in another person and what you think you need in a person.
This might have happened to you before. You may have been out with someone and found yourself thinking, “See, if such-and-such would do this, that would be great. Why can’t such-and-such do/treat me/be into me like the person I’m with right now?!”
If you ever find yourself saying that, then hear me right now telling you: Stop being stuck on stupid! Pay attention to the person who is doing the things you like and want, and see what’s up with them.
I’ve had to tell myself that before, so I know what it’s like. We’re all works in process, right? 🙂
Just remember that everybody is suspicious of a freebie. (What’s the catch? How much is this “freebie” going to cost me?) So don’t let yourself be the freebie. Direct your attention to those who actively seek it, not just those people you want to have it. You may be pleasantly surprised with the result.